Welcome to Road Less Traveled, a recovery podcast. Our mission is to bring awareness
to recovery and show that life in sobriety is not just possible but can be very
fulfilling. I'm Ashley Woolover, Director of Outreach at Country Road Recovery Center.
We'll be diving into conversations about addiction, treatment, and the journey to
lasting recovery. Before we begin, we kindly ask that viewers refrain from commenting
the names of current or past clients of Country Road Recovery Center to protect
their privacy. A special thank you to Brooks Southern who created the music for
Roadless Traveled. Thank you for tuning in. Let's get started on this journey down
the road less traveled.
All right, everybody. Welcome back to Roadless Traveled. I'm Ashley Woolver, Director
of Outreach at Country Road Recovery Center. and today I'm with Chelsea Williams.
She is the director of Outreach at Robb's Ranch and the founder and owner of Sober
Vibes. And today she's going to be sharing a little bit about her story and her
journey through recovery and how she got to where she's at today. So would you like
to kind of just jump right in and share? - I'll jump right in, but I cannot watch
myself. So I'm going to look over because Like it's also, you know, when I share
my story things, I can never look into people's eyes because I lose my train of
thought. So like staring at myself, I know that I will like be a deer in
headlights. So we're just gonna look over, you know? - That's perfect. - So, you
know, my story is,
it has some ups and downs and, you know, my mother and My parents, you know,
pretty much gave me a pretty good childhood.
And I think that, you know, not being comfortable in my own skin from,
you know, probably five or six or so and just kind of had just surrendered
everything because I did it my way for so long, and got invested,
I guess, in the pills. Pills were my drug of choice from the uppers and the
downers. But the main one that I used quite a bit was opiates,
OxyCot and Opana, to name a few. And
that's kind of what I just, I don't know, it's what I settled on, it's what I, it
just made me feel like I could really just express my feelings,
my thoughts, and you know, that's just how I learned to live.
And I remember the very first time I experienced withdrawals, my boyfriend at the
time, you know, I You know, I called him, I was like, "I think I got the flu,
I'm like sweating, I got the chills, and I just, you know, I can't do anything."
And he's like, "No, sounds like withdrawals." And so, from that point on, there was
never a time where I didn't have some kind of opiate in my body. And, I mean,
we, it just kind of, It started off slow and then before you know it,
we were in so deep we did not know how to help ourselves. And so I remember one
night, it was tax season and we got probably $2 ,000 in tax return because we had
a child at that point and he was a year and a half or so and we got money from
that and so we went and purchased all these scripts of pills and so we were
injecting them at this point and I remember my boyfriend would get all his stuff
together and you know do his shot and then,
you know, him just kind of falling out. And, and I knew exactly what was happening.
He had overdosed in front of me. He had started to seize. And this wasn't anything
new for me because I had seen him seize up many times where he'll just drop and
just start having a seizure every week because of all, you know, all of the drugs
that we put in our body. And I remember just holding him so tightly and waiting
for him to come back. Because every time that he would seize or have an overdose,
it would take him longer to come back to us or to me. And I just remember holding
him, just waiting for the shaking to stop. And he was just out of it when he
finally came to. And he would try to get up.
And when he got up, he would, you know, stumble. And so we were living on my
mom's third story at this time. And because, you know, we couldn't afford a place
to stay. I mean, we had to pour it all into, you know, our drug of choice, our
habits. And so we were living up there, no carpet on the floor, so she could hear
everything going on on the top floor every step. And so every time that he would
fall, I would scream, you know, for one, I was scared for him, and two, I didn't
want my mother hearing that, you know? And so finally, he gets his feet underneath
him, and he starts kind of wobbling around, and I have all my perfume. Even then,
I was a perfume I can still in, don't act without me. And anyway,
he, there was a shelf on the wall and he went by and he'd knock it over and he
could just hear my perfume just crash to the floor. And so my mom runs up to the
third floor and she starts banging on the door because the door was locked because,
you know, I'm prepared, you know, in just days. And so go into the the door to
kind of BS my way out of it because you know I feel like that you know when I'm
high or or when I'm using substances that you know everything I say is believable
and nobody notices that I'm high and I'm perfectly normal and you know so when I
go to open the door I see my boyfriend throw back the the curtains to our third
story window. And I eventually see him get up and kind of perch in this window.
And so, I mean, this window isn't very big at all. And you kind of have to-- it's
like a dorm type of window. So it's got-- and you kind of have to get up in it.
And it's just not a big window at all. And so I see him start to go forward and
so I run back over there and as he goes forward, you know, he jumps out and I
eventually end up grabbing his hand and I remember thinking that,
we're locked eyes at this point and I remember thinking this is the last time I'm
going to see this man alive. He's never going to grow up in or he's never going
to see our son grow up. Our son was a year and a half or a year old at this
point,
and I loved this man with everything. He was, you know,
we were one, and I could not see my life without him, and eventually he loses grip
because I've got my hands around the couple parts of, you know, a couple fingers
and we slip and he falls. And so then I automatically go into autopilot and I'm
like, okay, I've got to fix this because last time he overdosed the cops came and
they tried to take all of our pills and our drugs. And so I wanted to clean
everything up. I wanted to clean up all the utensils that we used and all of the
bottles that we had because I don't want all that going to waste of course. I mean
I spent a lot of money on it and so I'm cleaning up trying to put everything and
hide it and and then I'll deal with him and his situation and you know when he
falls I hear my 12 year old niece who's on the first floor who has a window right
outside of that. She's just in there on the in the in the computer room, playing
on the computer, and I hear her just let out this boy curling scream. And so that
takes my mom back downstairs to tend to him. And so I eventually get up the
courage to look outside the window, and I see him standing up,
but he does not look the same. So He landed on his knee, his elbow,
like he had this wooden chair to kind of prevent his fall. But when he landed,
he shattered his knee, he shattered his elbow, he had his teeth go through his
bottom lip. His face looked like a bulldog where it was smashed in and out.
And it was starting to swell really bad and he was was telling my mother that you
know we're gonna go to the movies so you just need to go upstairs real quick and
change clothes and my mom was after and I know you need to lay down type of thing
and so anyway the ambulance comes and they they pick him up and take him to the
hospital and
I'm left to handle everything else and so the cops eventually show up and and
they're looking around and they're trying to charge me with attempted murder and I
am you know probably I think about 23 at this point I'm like I never I mean I
cry when I get a speeding ticket and you're trying to put these charges on me so
throughout my addiction I thought that the rules don't apply to me, that I am
special, and that, you know, I kind of get out of everything, or my parents are
going to take care of it, and this was a time where I was, you know, very much
alone, and I'm like, "How dare you?" And so eventually they figured out that I
could not physically pick up this man and put him in this window and push him. So
they ruled that out. but I remember going up to the hospital and and he was
withdrawing in the hospital on a morphine drip and so I would you know crush up
these pills and I mix it up and boost or something and kind of soak it up through
a syringe type thing and and put it through he lost a couple teeth on the fall um
and so I would kind of mix that up and kind of put all that medicine through that
missing tooth. And so eventually he had to have a tracheotomy. He had to have his
mouth wired shut. And that was kind of our life. And I remember the doctor saying
that, you'll never look the same again. And just seeing the tears roll down his
face. And it was
But that wasn't, you know, rock bottom for me. It was many, many years after that.
And, you know, I had two boys through my addiction and both of them were born with
withdrawals. And because that is something that addiction does to you.
It takes hold of your life and it makes that your survival skill where nothing else
matters but that drug and feeling better and getting out of bed or even going to
sleep or just being in and you want to do pills when you have a great day, you
want to do pills when you feel sad, you want to do pills when you just feel bored
and then it becomes where it is where you have to have it and just even function
and then it becomes where your tolerance gets so high that you have to have more
and more and more and eventually You find yourself where you're just like, "How did
I get here?" And I lost both my boys.
The Child Protective Services took my last one because I decided to go and use
drugs and leave him home alone. And while I went and stole from Walmart and got
arrested, and again, still, many Years later it took me to finally where the cops
knew our vehicle at that point. Only had one. We finally got a vehicle and they
knew what we had and we were living at a hotel and this last time cops pulled us
over in Norman Cleveland County and I remember my boyfriend turning to me and with
a bottle of pills and say it and said, you know, do something with this. And so
like an obedient girlfriend that I was, of course, I'm going to take that charge.
And so I did. And I, you know, took a few nights or a couple days in Cleveland
County and did my share in Oklahoma County and Pottawatomie County.
And that was, that was the last of it and to where finally God put in the right
people in my life and that, looking back on it, I now know that that was his
timing and, you know, his timing is so perfect and being able to have the right
people come into my life and meet the right people to where he,
My boyfriend and I eventually went to detox and then we went to treatment and
our life has not been the same because I surrendered. I surrendered in the fact
that I was willing to take suggestions and learn from people who had been sober
because it was either die or get sober because I did not want to live this way
anymore so that's kind of my story in a nutshell of the ups and downs and you
know having child neglect, CDS on my record and having that follow me around now
forever so yeah that's kind of kind of us so here we are nine years sober today
and
Doing live man. I just keep telling myself that these are the days that I prayed
for because I my Boyfriend who is now my husband.
We ended up getting married. He went to treatment at At Rob's ranch.
He did 30 days at a state -funded facility And then they you know were able to
help scholarship him 90 days out there and I am forever grateful for Rob's and then
I went to community house in Oklahoma City and then you know just walking through
doors that got opens and here we are today. So yeah it's awesome.
So what does life look like today for you? Like what Where are some of the
challenges you go through? What are some of the great parts? You know, just what's
going on today. Great parts are being able to keep my commitments today.
There are so many times where, you know, my oldest son, he's now 17,
and I missed a large part of his You know what the t -ball games that I would
show up to for ten minutes, maybe if at all Because our dealer would call and he'd
be like hey, I'm good You know and then we'd go get our fix and you know never
make it back out there My mother raised my boys who are now 17 and 15 and We
were able to get custody back Gosh probably five years ago now and and it is it
has some difficult moments but I remember going in and hearing that judge say it's
it's a great day today because not a lot of parents go back for their kiddos and
so the accomplishments that that I was able to to make and I still have to pinch
myself and be like how was this life today and so And so I do, we went off and
we had two more children who are now almost five and two years old and those are
the hard moments because with the children constantly fighting or my teenagers
stepping in and agging on my Five -year -old and and then you know,
she's Messing with the two -year -old and we've got screaming. We've got dogs barking
and oh wait Then the doorbell rings and life is so chaotic where I just have to
sit down and I need to watch a few cat videos That's your
Coping mechanism I mean who doesn't love a cat. I just you know getting all crazy
and chasing after stuff and just hauling off the furniture. I mean, that is,
you know, my go -to these days. But yeah, I mean, and being able to lead other
women today, I was always a follower. I was never a leader. And even, you know,
opening this women's sober living or opening sober vibes, I I have to check my
stuff because I'm like, are you sure that you were qualified for this? And I mean,
that's the enemy in my head telling me that you're nothing, you're trying to, you're
a failure, you're all these things. And, but then I know better. And this helping
addicts and alcoholics gives me life. It occurred to me a a few years ago,
that is why I'm on this earth, is to help those struggling, because I was at that
point where I wanted to die. I wanted to just, I would just exist. You wake up,
you snort a lime, you go back to bed, you wake up withdrawing, and then you snort
some other stuff, and then, you know, and when I was around my kids, I'd take
Xanax or something and I'd fall asleep while they were there and you know, I wasn't
mentally there I was physically there, but I was not mentally so now I'm able to
take in those moments and like thank you God for these chaotic days and Being able
to to help other women being able to help other men Get to treatment and that is
it is a really cool feeling so. Absolutely you've got such a powerful story and you
really do help a lot of people and a lot of women too with sober vibes.
Do you want to share like some of your journey with that and what was the
inspiration and opening and starting sober vibes? So you know when I got sober I
was in sober living for two years and I picked up some amazing things and then I
also realized but I didn't want to put people through and the sacrifices that were
made. And so I knew that that was always, it was just a thought in the back of
my mind because again I did not ever see myself as a leader and even you know
through sobriety I was the the box checker and in that you know I could not hear
any constructive criticism or anything and I did I was a huge people pleaser and if
someone was mad at me oh my gosh you know I could not that's all I would think
about and so the thought of having people mad at me and not being able
You know, you have to kick people out or whatever the case may be,
you have to, you know, find a solution that, that, you know, you're, this way isn't
working, terrified me. Those tough conversations terrified me. But one day,
you know, my husband was like, all right, you've been saying that you're going to
do this long enough. >> Yeah. >> Because I would always put it off to like the
next season and be in the spring and be like, you know, a fall, we're going to do
something in the fall. That's what it's going to be. And then when it gets to the
fall, like spring, it's going to be the spring, you know. And it's so crazy how
God works because my husband said, all right, well, let's put a day in the calendar
and have a dinner and just kind of tell people who we are and that we're coming.
And so we had some of our closest friends show up that night and things had began
to fall into place and having, you know, donors come in and help us get the house.
Mr. Joe Pello, who is an amazing man as well, he called me one day and said,
"Hey, I'm about to sell this house. I didn't know if you would wanna take a look
at it and see if it's a right fit for you. And I'm like, yeah, sure. I don't
know how we're gonna get it. Yeah, I wanna look at it. And that's when it got
open doors of having a donor donate a large sum of money to us and having all
these people in the community rally around us and help get this thing off the
ground and running. And I've learned a lot of things to what do and not do and
all the things like that. But I mean, we set a date of, okay, May 1st,
2024, we're gonna open the doors. And our very first resident was from the wonderful
country road, and she is about to transition out of our program.
Sunday, gosh, it's crazy how time flies. She's been with us about 18 months,
and she wanted this thing. She was at that level of desperation where she was
willing to do whatever it took. And sitting down on that first check check in.
She was crying. I had tears in my eyes. I'm like here we go. I don't know what
this journey is going to look like. I don't even know if I can succeed at this.
But it has really been like riding a bike. This is just, it is really,
really cool. Yes, I dread those tough conversations, but those tough conversations
with these women help bring us closer. And so What we are is we are a faith
-based, structured women's sober living in Northwest Oklahoma City where we do life
together and I am heavily involved in these women's lives and where we don't
constantly point out what they're doing wrong, but we figure out solutions and we
lead with love and it is a very positive of lifting environment and I remember when
I wanted to open this house I knew that that's the type of environment that I
wanted because I was that underdog. I was the outcast for a long long time and
I'll be damned if someone walks out that door because they did not feel welcome or
did not feel appreciated because This is life or death, and we certainly treat it
that way. And so I want to give women the opportunity to have a beautiful home
where I would want to live and Find these friendships that are going to last
forever I mean, I still talk to some of the girls that I used to live with and
it's you know These are very those women help save my life. And so that's what I'm
implementing Into sober vibes as well. You know, it's been really special to get to
watch the transition of some of those clients from afar and whenever I first started
at Country Roads is kind of when sober vibes was taking off and it's been beautiful
to like watch these women come in one way and you know leave so fulfilled and have
a community around them. It's just been, it's been great to watch that. And also do
outreach at Rob's. Rob's is the most,
one of the most amazing facilities. So we are a male only facility. And again,
my husband went through there nine years ago. And he was one of those cases where
people had, You know written him off like that. He's gonna die a drug addict.
Nobody's going to be at his funeral he will die alone, you know and He went
through Rob's and and we were detoxing off of methadone So we had to we had to
get off a methadone. We had to go in for detox and and then You know,
we had absolutely nothing to our name and so they said okay we'll do 30 days at a
state funded facility and we'll see about scholarship in you 90 days and so that's
what he did and it took it took a couple times because he decided to pull the
fire alarm at detox and got kicked out there and he hallucinated so much and I was
thinking you know this is sobriety I don't want it yeah because he could barely
walk he was so just mangled by all the substances that we put in our body for so
long and he he went through rubs and it changed his life and that was the moment
I'm like how this place is special that he had a relationship with God after
leaving there had nothing when he walked in there and then came out And God still,
we still pray before we eat. That's just one of the habits that he has learned.
And we used to fight all the time and bicker. And now it's just a, it's a healthy
relationship. So when I got the opportunity to work at Rob's,
I, and that was literally my dream job because it's just,
I'd I have so much history there with my husband and I just love being there.
Every time I go out there the staff was always so nice and so now having the
opportunity to step in and give other people the opportunity, whether it be 30,
60, or 90 days in treatment. We are male only and so I keep hoping for that
women's facility, I don't Um, but it has just been, it has been an incredible
experience where they too lead with love and
don't so much cram religion down their throat, but really want it to be their
decision. And so they get the opportunity to go to chapel in the morning. They,
they have the, the decision to, to do these things and go to church and all of
that, but we want it to be their choice and so eventually they find themselves kind
of walking by the chapel and they stick their head in and like okay I think I can
handle this and then that relationship grows with God and so it's a really cool
thing. I mean you drive into the property and it's just it's just peace. It's peace
and so we want to help however we can whether that be through insurance scholarship
you know We're here to help so Rob's really it's a great program and you guys have
alpacas We have freaking alpacas I'm going to get a selfie with one soon every time
I go out there. They seem to steer the other way But one day I will get close
enough to where I can just you know get a selfie and and I want to do a Kick
talk with one, you know, these are goals that I'm setting for myself.
So that's what we do in sobriety. We set goals. - Yes. So I have kind of one last
question for you. If there's anyone listening right now that may be struggling with
deciding to get sober or not, what would you tell them? - I always love to tell
the people that are kind of kicking around, Going to treatment don't think just go
that has been
Something that I have lived by for a while like even getting out of the car,
you know to
Approach businesses or something talking about raw trash. I'm like you get your bed
out of the car He's don't think about you just get in there And so that's what I
tell people when they're going to treatment Don't think just go Because when we
think about it, we talk ourselves out of it. And we may not have tomorrow. This
is, again, this is life or death. And so, and I saw a quote on Facebook not long
ago is the cemetery is full of people that were waiting to get sober tomorrow. And
it just gives me chills because a lot of Sometimes we think it's not going to
happen to us or we are so strung out. We just don't care But I promise you
there's going to be so many people that rally around you You're gonna have more
friends and sobriety than you ever thought I've laughed more in sobriety than I ever
thought I would
Life is a gift today and I never thought I would say that because I hated life I
hated people thought I'd be working with animals one day and here I am working with
people, it's crazy how God works, right? But don't think, just go.
Get out of the car and go through the process and take suggestions and quit trying
to be in control of everything. Get out of your way and let God work in your
life, let people help you. And that's one thing that I struggled with was leaning
on others because I was let down for so long by so many people and I was scared
to reach out because of a failure or that I would upset someone and then all those
old feelings would come back again about how what a failure I really am and relying
on other people taking suggestions And remember, when you get to treatment, don't
leave, because remember how bad it was, how bad you fought to get there,
and how you would have done anything, those foxhole prayers, all of that. And
oftentimes when people are in treatment and they get a bad phone call or they don't
agree with their role, they often throw everything out of the window because that's
or fight or flight that takes place. That is our survival mechanism that kicks in
of where we just, we don't want to feel like that anymore. And we don't know how
to handle everything. So we rather jet than kind of stick through and build that
self -confidence of can do this. So when you finish treatment, it gives you that
self -confidence that you can do big things and you can accomplish things that you
never thought that you could. And so when you go to treatment, you gain community,
you gain a new self -respect. But that's the tip of the iceberg.
This is a lifelong battle. But it starts with square one. And to surrender, get out
of your way and let people help you. Thank you so much for coming on today you've
got you've got a really great story and I'm so happy that we're able to make this
happen and I'm sorry if you can hear my heart rate um on the microphone you know
I don't do well I think my hair's been on the microphone it's such a Taylor moment
though yes the we've got the wind over here kind of blowing in my hair a little
bit yeah very luscious flashing lights and all the things and I mean I can be your
backup dancer. I love it. You can. You do have the TikTok skills to do it. Well,
thank you guys so much for watching and stay tuned for the next episode.