Welcome to Road Less Traveled, a Recovery podcast. Our mission is to bring awareness
to recovery and show that life and sobriety is not just possible, but can be very
fulfilling. I'm Ashley Wolover, Director of Outreach at Country Road Recovery Center.
We'll be diving into conversations about addiction, treatment, and the journey to
lasting recovery. Before we begin, we kindly ask that viewers refrain from commenting
the names of current or past client to protect their privacy. Thank you for tuning
- Let's get started on this journey down the road less traveled.
Hi, everybody. Welcome back to Roadless Traveled. I'm your host, Ashley Woolover, and
today we have a very special guest, Kelsey Gearhart. She is here today to talk a
little bit about her own story in recovery and also share a little bit about her
Sober living home called Heart Recovery, which is located in Tulsa. So with that,
do you want to just start off by sharing a little bit about your story and how
you got to where you're at today? Yes, ma 'am. Hi, everybody. I'm so happy to be
here on the road less traveled. I know a little bit about that road.
And thank you for having me, darling. Yes. First of all, my name is Kelsey and I'm
a grateful recovering addict. My sobriety date is April 30th, 2014.
And I am just so happy and grateful for my sobriety.
And I love working and treatment. I love giving back to women and I love women's
recovery. I got sober when I was 18 years old.
My drug addiction, and alcoholism was in Minneapolis, Minnesota. I started drinking
when I was about 13 years old. And I was very,
it was like off to the races for me. I started drinking. And my best friend's mom
at the time, she would give us alcohol. And she would say, if you drink here at
the house, then I'll just get you a bottle every week. So we started drinking every
day, pretty much. And shortly after, I would say like maybe a month, I started
doing pills and hallucinogens. And I was pretty much loaded or drinking since the
day I started drinking when I was 13 years old. I love drugs and alcohol. Something
that I was really worried about getting sober at 18. I know that you got sober
young, too, is I wasn't sure as the older I've gotten,
if my head would start telling me that I was just going through a young phase. And
that has not become true for me at all my sobriety. I'm actually more convinced now
because I've gone to reach for other things, whether it's food, men, to fill that
God whole in my heart. So I was in and out of treatment from 13 years old to 18
years old. I went through seven different treatment centers. I was very much
institutionalized, which was actually traumatic for me going to that many treatment
centers as an adolescent. My mom was doing the best she knew how.
I think if I was in her shoes, I would have sent me off as well. But in and out
of treatment like that and going to the psychore three times, in and out of
hospitals and
therapists and I was on probation, it was all just very traumatic. And that's not
something that I really realized until I had some years of sobriety under my belt.
So I got sober at 18 in the last year of my addiction.
I accidentally got it to crystal meth, I always say, because I thought it was
opiates. And I am what you call a trash can user.
Okay. And I got back from a treatment center in Chicago for heroin.
And I went to a party. And I ran into my old Russian friend.
And he gave me some tinfoil. Yeah. He gave me some tinfoil. I thought it was
opiates because we would typically smoke off tinfoil, opiates or heroin. And it was
meth. And I fell in love with that drug. With my personality and with my
insecurities, that drug was perfect for me. I had no social anxiety, which I know
is a common thing for us getting sober is social anxiety.
And I just fell in love with it. And I'm so grateful for that drug because it got
me sober really young. And I just loved it. And I still, to be honest with you,
think about it time to time because I also love Adderall. And I think the dopamine
that I got from it, still to this day, I'd be lying if I never thought about,
you know, drinking or drinking or using. So I was smoking meth in Minneapolis with
Russians for a year.
I'm so serious. So how do you end up in Minneapolis from Chicago,
right? So I'm from Minnesota. Okay. I grew up 20 minutes north of the cities. I
went to treatment in Chicago. That's where my insurance covered. I went to Timberline
Knowles, which is a woman's program out there. And then I went back home and I
just continued on with my addiction. And that last year just got really dark because
I think with that drug too it gets really dark yeah so I like to say that god
abducted my body and brought me into hazelden in Minnesota I called my mom and she
said if she had changed the locks and she said you can come home if you go to
treatment which is my seventh treatment center
And I went home and I fell asleep for like 72 hours.
And then my neighbor, who is a woman that I respect and she intimidates me a
little bit. And I think it's very important if ship and mentorship that you have a
woman that you're kind of intimidated by that you respect because she told me that
I was going to rehab and I was like, okay, I guess I'm going to rehab with her.
And when I went to Hazelden, they said, you are really sick and you need long -term
treatment. And I would like you to go to a facility in California.
And it was an old school 12 -step program. They've been around for 30 years. It's
run by an Italian family. And they are my family today, which I think is so
special. Because if you get in with the Italians, it's like loyalty you know so i
feel like i'm a part of their family and i stayed there for a year i went to
hazelden for a month and then i went to their program for five months and then i
went to their sober living for six so i was in treatment for a year and it's
something that i highly suggest it's one of the reasons i started heart recovery for
women because that first year is vital and when you get sober life continues to be
lifey and it continues to stay in session. And if you have a strong foundation your
first year, it can be easier because you go back to what did I do when I was in
so much pain? I went through. I called another woman and you train your feet. And
that's something that they taught me and that's something I still do when I'm going
through a lot of pain.
So I stayed in California for nine years. I was a high school dropout because of
my addiction. So I went back and got my GED. I went to college for a little bit.
I'm not a really good school girl. I'm more of an entrepreneur girl.
But I did, yeah, I did go for a little bit. As my counselor said, I really want
you to get some general college classes. But it really, I think her motive behind
that was to help me with my self -esteem, but it did not help me with my self
-esteem. My self -esteem improved by doing self -esteemable acts in sobriety,
by helping other women, taking care of myself, making my bed in the morning. It
wasn't really through, you know, education as much because I really did grow up
thinking I was a dumb girl. And then especially dropping out of high school. I just
felt like I wasn't the smartest girl. And in sobriety, I was like, no, I'm
actually, I am intelligent, right? And you learn all these things about yourself.
So I stayed in California for nine years. I started working at the treatment center
that I got sober at, which was such a blessing, working really closely with women.
And I moved to Tulsa a couple years ago, and I saw a need for structured woman's
sober living in Tulsa. So I opened heart recovery six months ago.
And it is a, it's very much like how I got sober in Long Beach.
I'm trying to bring like a hint of that here. I actually have the girls fill out
the same weekly that I used when I got sober, and essentially it says what meetings
you're going to, which they have to go to 90 meetings and 90 days, what day you're
going to meet with your sponsor,
two women that you're going to call each day in the program, and then your work
hours each week, your goal for the week. And on Wednesday nights,
we read out of Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer.
and they have their daily chores of course so structured 12 -step sober living I
love that and it really is such a need in Tulsa like you could not have founded
heart recovery in a better place thank you your story is just so similar to my own
and so cool it really is and it always makes me so happy to hear when people get
sober so young. And because saying that you worry that it's going to be a phase is
just so real because I went through that. I know a lot of other people go through
that. But the longer that you stick around the people, you start to notice,
I'm more similar than different. You know, meth is really what.
And you're kind of grateful that, yeah, that was the drug that
push things so far and got you sober so young. I totally relate to that as well.
So you said that you're trying to bring some stuff to heart recovery that you
learned in Long Beach. What are those things?
And what was kind of like what helped you and what are you trying to pass on?
That's such a good question. I went through seven treatment centers, like I had
mentioned, and something that Newfound Life did in Long Beach where I got sober,
that none of the other programs did. And actually, I worked in treatment in
California and I did a lot of marketing and touring of facilities. I have, so they,
um, they have you call women in the program while you're still in residential while
you're still in that safety bubble of treatment and you start building a sober
support system outside of treatment while you're still in treatment, which is very
unique. And you have to go to a meeting every day. And along with that,
you're getting clinical there. So you're getting, which is the magical, right? And
that's something that I've implemented at heart, which I'd like to do more,
but I think the resources are just limited if girls don't have insurance but I do
require that they do weekly therapy and I if they don't have um insurance they can
always get sooner care and get therapy through that as well but that very structured
um plus some clinical is what I'm trying to bring to silver living yeah yeah
absolutely I agree with you so much that it's so important to have those connections
outside of your regular seeing people every day, especially for a year -long program.
And so we were kind of talking off -camera a little bit earlier about that. And so
what does connection look like in the home of our recovery? That's a great question.
So Mondays, we have our house meeting and we cook. We have two girls cooked before.
And that's a great way for all of us to just sit and have that sisterhood
component. Then we do that on Wednesdays as well before the Joyce Meyer book study.
And then I have them cook because I didn't know how to cook when I got sober. I
was putting metal in the microwave. And my roommates were like, I can't believe you
don't know that. But I didn't know how to cook or do anything when I first got
sober and my roommates the older ones because I was 18 they taught me how to make
scrambled eggs they taught me how to make really basic stuff and that's something
that the moms will typically do with the younger heart girls that's good um so yeah
and they naturally always go to meetings together yeah because we just run in a
tribe Yeah. You hear all the time, and I say this too, I learned how to be a
woman. Yes. In sobriety. And that's really what you're giving these girls by like
showing them the skills on how to take care of themselves. Right. As we shed the
onion and get rid of the defects. And that's the whole goal. And I watched this
video the other day. It said something like if you truly love someone you see that
light in them and you try to bring that out more yes and that's my whole vision
with the girls is I'm I I love sitting with them and I live in the house right
now with them but just that one -on -one connection and case management and figuring
out what is their true self and how can I bring that out more yeah so they can
fall in love with that version of themselves and then naturally the other things
just kind of fall off yeah over time is the passion behind this like did someone
do that for you and that's what you want to pass on to these girls or yeah yeah
i love that yeah um yeah i mean they that's essentially what another woman did for
me once i was ready and there was just something really unique about the Long Beach
facility where you could just feel God in the home. And it was very, it was long
term and it was only a 10 -bed. So it felt like a family. Yeah.
So that's something that I wanted to bring to Tulsa. That's incredible. What does
surrender look like in business recovery for you and yeah okay literally what i do
you guys i'm kind of hot in here literally what i do is i get on my knees
literally in the in the heart house i go over each room and sometimes well not
sometimes all the time i just grab the girl's hands and i pray over them a lot
because it makes all the difference because that's what my sponsor did for me. She
would just start praying over me all the time. But I go over the room and I go
over the doors and I pray over the house. And then I literally in my room get on
my knees and I put my hands up and I say, Lord help me. Because the physical act
of surrender of getting on my knees, it really helps me. Evening and morning
meditation. And I did that every morning and evening and I would always get on my
knees. And that physical surrender of that really help me to truly surrender.
Yeah. Because I can feel it when I'm, my ego is coming back and myself. I can
feel. Yes. What I often find is that whenever I'm not surrendered in my personal
life, it kind of bleeds into the business life a little bit too. And so it's so
important. And you're not authentic and yeah yes and it's so important to um take
care of yourself too what do you like to do to take care of yourself it's so
funny because you're just talking about this uh because i'm feeling a little burnt
out y 'all um to take care of my oh i go to stepping with cowboys people know the
tulsons know this okay because i go speak at recovery events and i talk about this
often this is kind of like one of my isms. That's so funny. Dancing.
For fun, what else do I do? I like to do,
I work out every day and I find that very fun. Yeah.
I like to go to amusement parks. I mean, I like to do everything, really. I just
don't feel like I've been having as much fun as I should be lately. It sounds like
you like energizing. Yes, stimulating. Yes,
like crystal meth. I never put two and two together this entire time. I will have
to jump out of a plane, but yeah, like motorcycles and horses. We should schedule
that for a business development, get together, go skydiving. Well, I will say.
So another So another thing, it's such a God thing because California has a huge
young people's community. And there's obviously more people there. There's a bigger
population. So getting sober there at 18 was so feasible because there were so many
young people getting sober. And we would do everything together. And we would do fun
things. Every weekend, every weekend, we had a baby shower or somebody who was
getting married in the program to each other, of um we would go to the amusement
park for holidays we'd always do something as well so that is something that i
noticed when i moved to oklahoma i want to bring more of that and i feel like
having heart as the foundation it'll just naturally happen right because if you are
a sober living and you're in the recovery community then you're amongst all the
other sober people and you know i wanted to bring some more fun and events and
stuff like that fun in community yes it's huge that is literally how i got sober
yes yes i wanted to ask you what does success look like in heart recovery um
success in heart recovery i don't so i also do intervention and crisis management
work, and I was just talking to somebody about this, that I don't put
expectations on if the client stays sober, because that is just, I mean, I would
just feel depressed all the time because it doesn't always happen, right? Your hope
is that they will stay sober, but I don't become attached with that.
Success to me with the girls is
working my program so I can best show up for them and be a vessel of God to them
because people I have this has been so true for me people will always remember how
you make them feel and they feel it they can feel the spirit of God in the home
and with you right so that's success to me is I want them to feel safe.
I want them to feel like I can come in here and just be myself and process. And
I can build from here because I, when I moved to Tulsa,
I sort of picking girls up from different sober livings in Tulsa. And it was so
dark and depressing in the homes. And I just thought, like, how are they supposed
to build from this? Yeah. I need to have good soil. And that's something that heart
recovery offers them is if you do want to get sober you can do that here this is
good soil yeah yeah that's such a good answer i love that so much um it's so
important to because you do feel you do that environment and it's so important to
feel safe where you're trying to rebuild yourself and grow I feel like working,
because I know you're working in recovery young. I'm still young. I've been working
in recovery for a decade now. But I used to be so focused on what I said with
clients. And I am shifting that now to how do they feel in my presence?
Because their nervous system will speak. They will, it will tell them how they feel
with you. And they will remember that because I know from my personal experience. I
remember that more than what she said to me, my mentors, you know. Yeah, absolutely.
That's such a good way to define success. And so your kind of leadership style as
a woman in recovery is, you know, from a service type position,
which is so good.
Truly the language of the heart. truly yeah heart yes for heart recovery i love
that um so this is a good one how have you learned to give yourself grace
throughout your whole journey working in recovery being in recovery and then starting
your own sober living home oh such a good question i'm honestly in a season of
stress a little bit. I was telling you before because I feel like I'm just being
pulled in so many directions, but back to basics, back to the foundation that
Newfound Life taught me when I got sober, one step at a time, one day at a time.
Like right now I feel really overwhelmed and I'm just giving myself grace and
showing up still and scheduling the things that I need to get done when I can and
yeah yeah and that's like the beauty of sobriety and the things that we learn is
like you know we just show up every day to the best of our ability and yes you
know I love that you show up so authentically because you know it's not all
sunshine and rainbows other side. I'm always like twitching my eye,
you know. I think being like delusional is helpful.
A little bit of delusion can get you a long way. Yes. I just recently got my
certified nursing assistant for this work and I travel to clients and I thought,
gosh, it'd be so helpful to have a basic, very basic because nurses are just
incredible like I am just blown away by nurses um very basic understanding of
nursing and the instructor was like you didn't look nervous at all I'm like oh well
that's what 12 step taught me just fake it I fake it a lot yeah that's me because
I had to take a really big test and Yeah, yeah, just fake it until you make it.
And somehow when you do it, everything tends to work out. Yeah, yeah. And then you
learn over time, too, that, like, you don't have to feel that way. Yes. You did
- You did the things. You get momentum. I love that so much. I see that you are
teaching women in sobriety about womanhood but what has sobriety taught you about
womanhood i what comes to mind is i truly hated everything about myself when i got
sober i didn't even like my name this is what's so interesting i just thought of
this is like spiritual moment guys because i didn't like my last name and now my
My last name, H -A -R -T, Gerhardt, is my super living home because that's how God
heals things. Like, he always comes back around, right? Whether it's like 10 years
later. I didn't like my name. I didn't know what my favorite color was. I didn't
know anything about myself. And through the self -esteemable acts,
through the steps,
I have completely fallen in love with myself and my life.
And I know I'm a good woman today. And I think one of the, it's like, it's
difficult, it's challenging, but it's a blessing. When you get sober, you're at a
crossroads where you're like, I literally have to work a program or I'm going to go
back out. Yeah. Which is kind of a powerless feeling because you're like, I have to
be healthy or, because being Why is the war? No. I'm either going back out or I
have to be healthy. I get to be healthy, right?
And when I am starting to feel dry and I'm not really being of service to others,
if I'm being really selfish, I can't stay like that for very long.
And it's such a gift because then I can just get right back into the solution.
Yeah.
I have kind of one last question for you. If there was a woman that felt like she
was too far gone. Oh, that's such a good question.
What would you say to her? Almost makes you want to cry, huh?
Because
I posted something for September, which is Recovery Month, and I put in the caption,
no one is too far gone because I've seen over the years where people give up on
clients or family members give up on them. And I'm telling you nobody is too far
gone because I've seen 75 -year -olds get sober in California and she stayed sober
for like 10 years before she passed. I mean, you just see these things where you
realize like nobody is too far gone but what was your question he said if there
was a woman that was too far gone what would you say to her yes she felt that
she was oh yeah
giddy up girl it's time to go girl like yeah let's get off the rodeo and and
nobody's too far gone um yeah you just got to get up you can't give up just got
to do it you just got to do it yeah put one foot in front of the other yes and
things just fall into place when when you're ready
to have something different for yourself and i've never seen it be different for
anybody um things just have a way of working out yes Well,
thank you so much for coming on the podcast. And thank you guys for watching.
Yes. And stay tuned for the next episode.